Gail Porter is a bad person. I know, because I saw her being a terrible bint in Hyde Park last Friday. For those of you know who don’t know who Gail Porter is, she used to be famous for showing her arse in FHM, then she got stressed and went bald with alopecia.
So, at Morrissey, there we were, having waited patiently for the opportunity to get a good spot near the front after Beck, enjoying our second-row view. To our left were two middle aged blokes, large, affable men, who were obviously genuine Morrissey fans, with no agenda other than to enjoy the spectacle. Then along came Slaphead Porter, trying to get to the front. To begin with, she was reasonably polite, asking people to let her through etc, but finally she came to the two men to our left, and they refused to surrender their positions at the front railing. She asked them to move up, but they couldn’t - it was jammed. They politely refused and told her there was no room. To cut a long story slightly shorter, the situation then escalated with Cueball Gail getting riled and verbally abusing the blokes, who then, quite rightly, told her to fuck off. She contined to harass them, outraged that they would not let her stand at the front, despite the fact that she only turned up fifteen minutes into the show, while they had been there for at least three hours before it started to get their spots. She was ruining the show for the two guys, who were clearly becoming tired of her ranting, and again told her to “look, just fuck off will you?” etc. Eventually they even tried to get some of the security guards’ attention to try to have her removed.
Little Gail was then dragged away by her friends, but not before she made a parting gesture of giving the guys ‘the finger’ and pulling a stupid face, like a six year old boy might. They responded with a similar gesture and she exploded, breaking free from her friend and running back at the guy, swinging punches. The fat man, shocked, swung a punch back, before various people got between them and dragged the spitting demon away.
Anyway, it was all highly amusing. Gail didn’t even seem drunk, just crazy-angry. I don’t think her hair is going to grow back any time soon, given her current stress levels. Unfortunately I didn’t get a photo - if I did, it would be in Heat magazine by now, and I’d be a few hundred quid richer.
If the Mirror any other rag would like to use this story in their social pages, do get in touch. I’m sure we can fake-up a good photo.
This is awesome, I’ve raised awareness of alopecia and warned the public about a dangerous celebrity. This is what blogs were invented for, surely.
P.S. - Spot the dog in the picture. (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) (haha) (ha)
