Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

I’d been looking forward to this gig for quite a while, as Real Emotional Trash has been a constant on my MP3 player since it came out. Pitchfork didn’t go crazy about it, and neither did I initially, but I found myself listening to it again and again.

Usually, high expectations are bad things to bring to a gig, but for some reason I found myself telling everyone that I thought the Jicks gig was going to be great (this was partly due to one of my friends pulling out, as the gig clashed with Holland vs Italy). Thankfully, I was right, and it was (great). A solid set of Malkmus material, new and old, was played with enthusiasm by the impressive four-piece. ‘Steve’ as he called himself looked like he was enjoying himself, especially during the instrumental detours common to many of their songs, and he also kept the crowd updated with the Euro 2008 scores. Ex-Sleater Kinney drummer Janet Weiss is probably the best female drummer I’ve seen live - very impressive, and both she and bassist Joanna Bolme chip in with backing vocals. Joanna Bolme’s main weakness seems to be her bladder - it’s not big enough to last a full gig. The ensemble is completed by Mike Clark, who fills the holes with guitar and keys.

Many of Malkmus’ tracks, especially those from the new album, could be described as indulgent - with their convoluted structure and proggy guitar detours, but these seem to translate superbly to the live show, with Malkmus and Weiss playing off each other and really giving it socks*, as they say. It seems that general guitar fun is vying for Steve’s creative affections, which were previously focused on lyrical fun, though anyone who has listened to Real Emotional Trash will know that the lyrics are as Malkmus as ever.

It was an entertaining and charming set, with fine renditions of ‘Cold Son’, ‘Gardenia’ and the sprawling title-track of the new LP - ‘Real Emotional Trash’. The highlight for me was ‘Baltimore’, probably the most indulgent tune of all. It’s just a great guitar-rock song, one that convinces you (if only for an hour or two) that you should find an electric guitar, plug it in and play it until the electricity bill arrives.

A three-song encore wound things up and Steve said his goodbyes, though the rest of the band seemed reluctant to leave, but I suspect the Tripod time-keepers were turning the screw. Despite Holland vs Italy turning out to be the best game of Euro 2008 so far (apparently - trying to catch the highlights on TV is nigh-on impossible, it seems), I’m pretty sure it couldn’t have been as entertaining as this gig.

Support came from the highly amusing Jeffrey Lewis, who warmed the crowd up admirably, with, amongst other things, an illustrated history of communism in Russia (which he somehow tyre-levered into a song of sorts), and the story of the Creeping Brain. Very strange - it shouldn’t work, but it does.

 

*Anyone know where this phrase comes from? It makes little sense to me. Giving someone socks seems like a very mundane thing to do. Here, I got you some socks.. eh, they’re 100% cotton..

 

Any transparent discussion about the new Sky One revival of classic ITV show Gladiators must be based on comparisons with the original. By the original, I mean series 1 to 5, hosted by John Fashanu and Ulrika Johnson. After that I didn’t care. Jeremy Guscott didn’t say AWOOGA!

Ian Wright is an irritating man, but was a good footballer, an Arsenal legend - he scored lots of goals and made me happy. He even kicked Peter Schmeichel in the face. That made me happy too. He was shafted by Graham Taylor, who inexplicably preferred to play David Hirst, or Nigel Clough, or Brian Deane, or even Paul Stewart ahead of him during his reign as England manager. He was also largely ignored by Terry Venables, and despite making various telling cameo appearances for Glen Hoddle’s England, unfortunately his international career was littered with what-might-have-beens. He then became a television pundit and a presenter and I hate him.

John Fashanu scored a few goals for Wimbledon, won the FA Cup, played twice for England and wrote the Fashanu Report about corruption in Nigeria. Then he became a television presenter. He smiled a lot, wore huge waistcoats, roundhouse-kicked the air and shouted AWOOGA!

Ulrika Johnson was a Swedish weather-girl-turned-slapper-tabloid-lady, who no longer retains any relevance in the public sphere. She is attracted to deviant television presenters, beefy steroid-boys, deviant footballers and balding football managers. She wasn’t a bad presenter, and I neither liked nor disliked her. Later, she was sometimes amusing, and often a useful butt of jokes on Shooting Stars with Reeves and Mortimer.

Kirsty Gallacher is the daughter of golfer, Bernard Gallacher. She is easy on the eye and the ear, and has never offended anybody in her entire life.

In an ideal world, John Fashanu and Kirsty Gallacher would present Gladiators.

Apart from the presenters, the rest of the show is largely the same. Some of the games have added fire and water, and the colour palette has been de-nintified. I don’t know if I will watch another episode, but it seems to have retained the harmless humour of the original, and I still find most of the games quite entertaining.

I haven’t seen enough of the actual Gladiators to compare them to their predecessors, but I think it’s safe to say that nobody can compare with Jet or Shadow, in terms of hotness or scariness, respectively. And I’m also pretty sure that a contender like Eunice Huthart will never be found again. The mouthy scouser dominated the show in 1994, and went on to be a stunt woman in many movies, and (scarcely believably) a body double for Angelina Jolie and Famke Janssen, amongst others.

So to conclude, here is a poster of one of the most fantastic collaborations of all time - Diane ‘Jet’ Youdale playing Dick Whittington opposite Ray ‘Alf Stewart’ Meagher. It’s got nothing to do with Gladiators, but it’s something else Sky One could revive, perhaps. Diane is pretty interesting, according to her own website. She used to hate her reflection, and her skills include:

  • Teaching
  • Writing
  • Public Speaking
  • Surfing
  • Reflexology
  • Motorbiking
  • Wall Climbing
  • Swinging from chains and catching people with her legs
  • Hair flicking
  • Pretending to know about computer games (anyone remember the Games Mistress?)