Panadola Diction

Anagram Sam, Episode 2 of 66667

It’s time for another one of these tremendously pointless posts.

So the new blog description is A Taco Inlaid Pond. This is great for a number of reasons. Here are the reasons:

• Nobody eats tacos in Ireland, they are too small for our mammoth appetites, and are far too fiddly for our huge blunt hands. We prefer other, more wieldy Mexican and faux-Mexican cuisine, such as the mighty burrito (exemplified by the weighty examples purveyed by La Salsa in Galway). What better to do with tacos therefore, than to inlay a pond with them - perhaps by encasing them in a translucent resin at the bottom of the pond.
• Apart from tacos, other materials used for inlaying include wood veneer, shells and niello. Perhaps a combination could be used to spruce up the garden furniture near your pond.
• A pond can be anything from one meter squared, to two hectares in area, so why be constrained by tradition - supersize your taco inlaid pond.
• Beware, eutrophication can really fuck up your pond (see diagram above).

The confused or feeble-minded amongst you should click here, to understand the dubious premise.

Spare a thought for the last door you opened. Did you have to think about how to open it as you approached it? If you did, it is a failed design. There’s so much bad design everywhere. Most of it falls into one of two categories - functionality sacrificed for ’style’, or just plain stupidity.

Any door with a ‘Push’ or ‘Pull’ sign is a failed door. You should just know without having to read instructions. Should I push the left or the right door? It should be obvious.

Do you have a Mac? Does it have one of those built-in DVD drives under the monitor? (I’m not sure what model this is) How do you open the DVD drive? There’s no button - fucked if I know. They had them in DIT Aungier St when I was there, and a colleague had to point out that you need to press a button on the keyboard to open it. “Where’s the sense in that?” I said. “Oh, but it looks prettier without a button”. This is why I hate Apple products. Too much pretty and not enough common sense.

And one-buttoned mice - “Why?” said I. “Oh they look prettier without two buttons, and Mac’s don’t include right-click functionality by default, we Ctrl-click instead,” said she. “But that means I need to use two hands - how is that better?” said I. “Ummmmm,” said she, “but look, it’s all pretty and translucent.” Fucking mac shite. What if I want to drink coffee whilst copying and pasting something? I can’t on a Mac. I need to put down the coffee! What if my friend walks past and I want to wave at him/her? I have to stop work! What if I want to scratch my ear? Production must cease. “But wait,” said she, “look at the brand-new Mac mouse - it’s got a revolutionary little ball that you can use to scroll up and down!” Oooh. “You mean a scroll-wheel? Like on a normal mouse?” “Ummmm…. but it’s so pretty!”

“And why is the ‘Power’ button way off back at the back of the monitor, where I have to stretch to reach it to turn the thing on?” said I. “Apple would prefer you to leave the computer on in standby mode, I guess,” said she. “I don’t give a shit what Apple would like,” said I. “But they are so stable,” said she. “Oh come on - you’re not controlling a hospital’s life-support machines, you’re animating a red blob, which turns into a blue blob. Oh look, it’s red again. Blue! Red! Only with the power and stability of a Mac is this possible,” said I. “You’re mean,” said she.

Argh, I love arguing with Mactards. And don’t get me started on M4A format and iTunes.

Right, there’s a nice unfocused rant to start the weekend. It doesn’t even fit into any of my categories. Hmmmmm, maybe I’ll make a new category.

Anyone interested in backing up their design-related rants with some theory should read The Design Of Everyday Things, by Donald Norman. Interesting stuff.