Badly Designed #1: Doors and Apples
May 16th, 2008Spare a thought for the last door you opened. Did you have to think about how to open it as you approached it? If you did, it is a failed design. There’s so much bad design everywhere. Most of it falls into one of two categories - functionality sacrificed for ’style’, or just plain stupidity.
Any door with a ‘Push’ or ‘Pull’ sign is a failed door. You should just know without having to read instructions. Should I push the left or the right door? It should be obvious.
Do you have a Mac? Does it have one of those built-in DVD drives under the monitor? (I’m not sure what model this is) How do you open the DVD drive? There’s no button - fucked if I know. They had them in DIT Aungier St when I was there, and a colleague had to point out that you need to press a button on the keyboard to open it. “Where’s the sense in that?” I said. “Oh, but it looks prettier without a button”. This is why I hate Apple products. Too much pretty and not enough common sense.
And one-buttoned mice - “Why?” said I. “Oh they look prettier without two buttons, and Mac’s don’t include right-click functionality by default, we Ctrl-click instead,” said she. “But that means I need to use two hands - how is that better?” said I. “Ummmmm,” said she, “but look, it’s all pretty and translucent.” Fucking mac shite. What if I want to drink coffee whilst copying and pasting something? I can’t on a Mac. I need to put down the coffee! What if my friend walks past and I want to wave at him/her? I have to stop work! What if I want to scratch my ear? Production must cease. “But wait,” said she, “look at the brand-new Mac mouse - it’s got a revolutionary little ball that you can use to scroll up and down!” Oooh. “You mean a scroll-wheel? Like on a normal mouse?” “Ummmm…. but it’s so pretty!”
“And why is the ‘Power’ button way off back at the back of the monitor, where I have to stretch to reach it to turn the thing on?” said I. “Apple would prefer you to leave the computer on in standby mode, I guess,” said she. “I don’t give a shit what Apple would like,” said I. “But they are so stable,” said she. “Oh come on - you’re not controlling a hospital’s life-support machines, you’re animating a red blob, which turns into a blue blob. Oh look, it’s red again. Blue! Red! Only with the power and stability of a Mac is this possible,” said I. “You’re mean,” said she.
Argh, I love arguing with Mactards. And don’t get me started on M4A format and iTunes.
Right, there’s a nice unfocused rant to start the weekend. It doesn’t even fit into any of my categories. Hmmmmm, maybe I’ll make a new category.
Anyone interested in backing up their design-related rants with some theory should read The Design Of Everyday Things, by Donald Norman. Interesting stuff.
